you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
