Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize