Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I forget how to act sober
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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