just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
