Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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