Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
