I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
