Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
