Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
