Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
