Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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