in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
