Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize