so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
