Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
