totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
