the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
