Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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