we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
