are you so shy because you have an std?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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