fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize