They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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