my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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