Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
