bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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