Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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