Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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