He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
