she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
