SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
