Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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