:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
