So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
