I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
