i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
