we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
