so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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