Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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