Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
