all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
