I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
