so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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