When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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