Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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