My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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