dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
