The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
