Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
