Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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