I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
