Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
