I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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