1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
