Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
