Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
