the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
