At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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