if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
