bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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