he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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