she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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