I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize