A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
pray to the hookup gods
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
