You really coming over, don't trick.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
