If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
