there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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