I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
