Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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