Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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