Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
