ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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