We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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