You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
