he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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