I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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