woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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