I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
