the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i came on her dog
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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