what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
