Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize