I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
