Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
