He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
