I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
