just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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