He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
