Im at strip club and am horny
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
