Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
