If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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