News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
