i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize