Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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