i think my mom watched the whole time
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
