how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Randomize
