I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize