I can text with my tongue
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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