Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
pray to the hookup gods
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
