if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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