dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize