Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
