He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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