I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize