He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
