He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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