I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
