Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize