Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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