my mouth tastes like poor choices
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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