Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
