This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
