Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
