hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
