Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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