i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
